If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
