Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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