shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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