K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
