he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
only you would photoshop your dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
