I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
