He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
