I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
