have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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