You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
