Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
