i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
