My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
