i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize