I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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