My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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