I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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