life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
