I think i sorta joined a cult last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
