She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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