Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
