OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
