everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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