the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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