If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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