she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
