I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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