Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
