Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
