Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
