On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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