I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
