My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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