I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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