Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
