She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
