i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
