I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
