you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
