nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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