at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
