Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
