I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
