Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am mentally ready for anal.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
