Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
