god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize