I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
