Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize