it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
