we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
