I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
