My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize