Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
