I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
