im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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