In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh god it's open bar.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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