i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
