I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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