Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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