...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
