dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
