How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize