Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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