i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
