Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
