my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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