she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need to get me chipped asap
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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