She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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