So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
