so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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