If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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