I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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