I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
