My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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