I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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